According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
