this beer tastes like vomit already
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
