I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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