just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
4 words: hood of his car
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
