the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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