How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
