Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
