Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize