Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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