Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
