Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
