Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
where are my eyebrows?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
