I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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