Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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