I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
