I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
