ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Randomize
