Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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