my being single is dangerous.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
