how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
