someone threw a dead crab at me
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
