we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
