I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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