if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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