Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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