Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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