Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
