I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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