where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
