That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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