I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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