Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
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