Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I CAN MOONWALK!
there's paper in my vomit.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize