So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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