direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
