on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
