i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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