Me too!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
