people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
