She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
