I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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