she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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