I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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