I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
