pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
