The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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