and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Found the puke drawer
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
