the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
