I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
