I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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