before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
