You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
