there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
