everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
