Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
