found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
