you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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