If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
