we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
