Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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