apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
