I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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