I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
