Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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