I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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