How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
