It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
