M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
