9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
ttyl tear gas
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
