My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
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