We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
