I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
