I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
