i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
