DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
