His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
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The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
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Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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