you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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