there's paper in my vomit.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
