i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
