batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
