..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
