I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
