I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
