I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
you're hired as official boob wrangler
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
