Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
