You just made me feel so damn special
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
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