I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Randomize
