so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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